Love, Happiness, Laughter ~ and Heaps to Eat!

Apples, Boobs and a simple sum…


As the New Year gets underway and everyone is starting off at different paces – some at a gallop, full of gusto and determination to achieve global domination, whilst others will be striding out with shoulders back, bobbing head, set jaw, and tackling that one thing that eluded them last year… then there is the camp of “Pah – resolutions??? Not for me thanks, you can keep your resolutions and shove em where the sun doesn’t shine”…. And of course there is the very popular camp of resoluters (not even sure that’s a word – but you get me) that vow to eat and drink less, exercise more and quit the cigs etc. etc…

I have chosen not to jump on the runaway train of resolutions (not because my life and my body are so fantastic that they don’t require alteration – nobody is perfect… except Mary Poppins of course – ‘Practically perfect in every way’!) – There are always things that I am looking to improve, but do I need the turning of a New Year to do it? Besides which I am still ‘cleaning’ up after the festive period… the chocolates are nearly tidied up, the mince pies have now gone with the last of the clotted cream, just the Baileys to go! By the time I have done all that I will be just in time to dodge all the limbs that are starting to ‘fall off the New Year Wagon’.

I applaud all you go getters and I genuinely do wish for you to achieve your objectives, I totally get that the turning of a New Year is a symbolic time to make changes, it gives a point of reference, an opportunity to metaphorically close one chapter (or book?) whilst we throw open the crisp pages of a New book that is yet to be…  unmarked and clear,  no blemishes or mistakes on them… Whispered thoughts and promises  of change, transformations and aspirations being blown across the opening pages,  in the hope that they settle as permanent indelible ink  and ‘become’  vibrant images and words of your dreamed for future successes – eternally splashed across the virgin white landscape of new unfurling chapters…

For some, I see how this is a good thing and it will indeed provide a certain amount of motivation to follow their convictions through to the letter, but for many I fear that it will only serve as a tool in which they will undoubtedly cast aside and throw into the failure bag… to be joined with all the other failed attempts and efforts not quite achieved in the past (I used to have a bag like that – man did it get heavy dragging that fat assed thing around!). Of course, I am making sweeping generalizations here, and whilst this may sound like I am being pessimistic (which is not at all the overcoat I wear – the glass is always half full in my world complete with rose tinted spectacles and a sprinkling of fairy dust!) – The point I am making is that ‘change’ can happen at any time you choose, and New Year may or may not be the time for you?

For years I wanted to lose weight (about 7 stone to be precise) and I spent many a New Year turning over the proverbial ‘New Leaf’… Making a fresh start… Out with the old in with the new … “This year I am definitely going to do it – I can feel it, it’s going to be the best year ever”…  only to fall with a spectacular CRASH BANG WALLOP  and another very familiar sound of a fat assed FAIL!!!

That was until….

I stopped trying!

“What”??? … Yes I stopped fighting it, I stopped ‘trying’ to lose weight, I stopped ‘focussing’ on how fat I was… How gross I looked in the mirror… I stopped ‘trying’ to diet,  stopped noticing how suck me in pants gave me an extra 4 boobs (2 extra in the front and a pair on the back for good measure or spares?!)… Stopped avoiding my reflection in the mirror and shop windows, stopped avoiding being in pictures… (Well no that’s not quite true, it took a considerable amount of time before I felt ok with that, but you get my drift).

You see just like Gillian McKieth says (strange little woman that she is) “You are what you EAT”… and whilst this is true; ponder this for a moment…

…..“You are what you THINK”….


We literally are “WHAT WE THINK THE MOST”- which in my case was a roomy old unit, unhappy, emotionally attached to food and looking like the 5th member of the Telebubbies! My conscious thoughts and my unconscious thoughts were all about how bloody massive I was, how awful I felt, and how terrible I looked! If you think like that all the time is it any wonder I attracted more of it!!

So I STOPPED!! I gave myself permission to ‘Just be OK’  with who I was there and then. And with the help of some Louise Hay affirmations (which I did feel a bit of a plonker about saying to myself to start with), and a liberal sprinkling of Ali Campbell’s ‘Just get on with it’ book (who later went on to become a great friend, Mentor and teacher)  – I endeavored to ‘see’ myself from a different perspective rather than from the self-loathing platform I had been stood on. I started to tentatively bob in front of the mirror (playing peek-a-boo with myself !) and  find things about myself that were nice… at this stage I wouldn’t say ‘love’ because that was just a bit weird in a hippy ‘flip flop’ way if you know what I mean. It was more of an appreciation of the female form, of noticing that although I had a rotund belly that had been ravaged by pregnancy and looked like a jelly in a mold that had been launched across the floor; (with a road map drawn in it!)  I started to notice that my ‘Apple’ shape although dominating the center of my being, actually had a fairly decent pair of pins sticking out of it and a cracking pair of boobs on top!

You see, when you shift your thinking and notice things from a new place; your thoughts will change…

Here’s the equation :

Thoughts  =  Feelings            Feelings  =  Action        Action  =  Outcomes

So my old thoughts:-

“Oh god I’m fat” = feeling fat       Feeling fat  =  Eating       Eating  =  I’m FAT!

The New way :- 

“I want to be slimmer” = Feelings of being slim        Feelings of being slim  = Eating less         Eating less = losing weight

 If you are doing new resolutions, be sure to ‘Think’ about what you want most and when you do that now, you will become what you think about most.

Oh and if you were wondering, I have lost 5 of the 7 stone I would like to lose – the journey continues (just as soon as I have finished the New Year Cleaning up!)

With Love

Loobs xx


6 Responses to “Apples, Boobs and a simple sum…”

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